shananon =)

WHY DOES WRITING HAVE TO BE EASIER THAN TALKING!!!

I have 3 words I need to say! Why can’t I just fucking say them!!! I can repeat them all I want in my head and type them out on this post all I want, but that won’t do me any good because I can’t fucking say them!!

I need help! I need to talk to someone who doesn’t know me. I need to do something before I explode on the most important person in my life right now. Theres only so many times on person can fuck up before everything is over. I don’t want this to be over. I need help!!

I have to do something about this. I don’t know what yet, but I have to do something….

I wish they would all just go away! I want to be healthy and happy! Not clinically depressed and in constant pain. Fuck!!

Seriously. Im done trying to be your friend. I want to be there for you but honestly when it came time to growing up, you got stuck at 16 while I moved on. I’m not gonna put an effort into trying to be there for you if your not going to return it. It’s turned into I’m only your friend when it’s convenient for you. Ya I may spend to much time with my boyfriend or to much time with my nephews or working but I’ve got my life in order and I’m happy. Your not adding anything to my life anymore. I wish that wasn’t true, but it is. And I’m sorry for that but I don’t know what to even say to you. At one point you were my bestfriend (pretty much my twin sister with how we looked) that I could tell everything to but now you don’t care and I’m not sure how much I care either. We’re to different, I think we both know that.

I’m sorry
I just can’t pretend anymore….

Whenever I’m with you or whenever I think of you, i see myself as pretty. Then when I’m alone and look in the mirror, the prettiness goes away. I’m not what I think I am but I wish I was….. I definitely know though that I love the way that I feel when I’m with you or when I think of you. I love you.